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The tweet has become an art form
It’s amazing how funny somebody can be in 140 characters. Especially considering how not funny most people can be in hour long chats. The explosive growth of Twitter – the social media where everything goes as long as it told in less that 140 characters – has given birth to a new breed of comedians.
In just 140 characters, a skillful tweeter can do a lot. By picking the right accounts to follow, you can turn your Twitter timeline into the most entertaining app on your phone. In this post, I’ve put together the 23 Twitter accounts that make me laugh till my lungs hurt.
Bridger Winegar is a comedian who worked on “The Late Show With Craig Ferguson back in 2012. He tweets like a comedy writer.
I was at the store and thought I saw my friend. It ended up not being my friend. The lesson here? Some people are not your friends
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) December 17, 2014
Matt Ingbretson is another of the comedy-writer ilk. He writes for E!’s The Soup.
WELL WELL WELL, if it isn’t the family whose house I’ve broken into
— Matt Ingebretson (@mattingebretson) April 20, 2014
The record-breaking Jeopardy! winner has one of the funniest twitter accounts of anyone well known in pop culture. No, his tweets are not all in question format.
INNKEEPER: we have no rooms, I’m very sorry JOSEPH: ok I’m going to have to ask to see your manger
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) December 23, 2014
You get what you pay for with @free_facts. Which is nothing at all factual or resembling a fact.
In the future, brains will be made of microchips and shit like that
— ＦＲＥＥ_ＦＡＣＴＳ！ (@free_facts) October 25, 2014
Saved You a Click is an ingenious and philanthropic account, not to mention pretty funny. It ruins clickbait titles in as few words as possible.
“Multiple pizzas” RT @Gawker: Guess how much pizza Jennifer Lawrence ordered
— Saved You A Click (@SavedYouAClick) December 17, 2014
Modern Seinfeld is the spot-on imagining of the ’90s sitcom in today’s world. Perfect if you liked the show.
Elaine is furious when her coworker calls her “basic.” J:”That’s ridiculous!” E:”Thank you.” J:”If anything, you’re too complicated.”
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) November 12, 2014
@JODYHiGHROLLER (Riff Raff)
If you don’t know who he is, you may recognize him as the guy James Franco kinda-sorta played in Spring Breakers. Riff Raff, the real-live rapper, definitely has his own style, and he’s capable of being hilarious. Follow to make your timeline a little more surreal.
iM GUNNA FiND A CUTE ASS MOUNTAiN TO CLiMB TO THE TOP OF THEN JUMP OFF THAT BiTCH
— JODY HiGHROLLER (@JODYHiGHROLLER) December 25, 2014
Yeah. And they’re all like that.
the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up
— wint (@dril) December 19, 2014
TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 25, 2014
ME: Drew, I bid… the exact correct amount. DREW: Oh shit. He’s broken the system.
— stefan (@boring_as_heck) December 19, 2014
“and when I move my thumb it looks like he’s talking” pic.twitter.com/RrpVMtYL2i
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 23, 2015
Playing on the glorified Will Ferrell and Katt Williams parody accounts that clutter Twitter, @KatWilliamsFerrell makes fun of the low-brow meme-driven twitter humor of the greater population. By tweeting those same jokes until they’re driven into the ground, cold and dead. Such as the old standby joke below:
That awkward moment you realize 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope & Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope & no Cash
— Katt WilliamsFerrell (@KattWillFerrell) April 2, 2012
Cool Pond does this other hilarious thing where he retweets “egg accounts.” Egg accounts are either ancient twitter accounts left over from twitter’s primordial ooze, or just accounts made my people who had no clue what they were doing. Their usernames often indicate a misunderstanding of what twitter is, and the result is pretty funny. He also finds people who tweet poorly-worded sentiments and subsequently retweets them for public ridicule. A unique twitter-genius. Now isn’t that the kind of person you want on your timeline?
#TortureReport THEY MADE ME WATCH KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS HAHAHAAHHHAAHAA EPIC. BRUTAL. OR SOME OTHER POP CULTURE THING LMAO
— deg (@degg) December 11, 2014
Narrator: Only clue the colonists left was a note saying “we all killed and ate eachoth-” the rest is cut off Scientist: Its a total mystery
— Mike F (@animaldrumss) December 24, 2014
I bet white people would care about the seth rogen north korea thing if seth rogen was darren wilson. Chew on that one
— Guilford Pudley (@Lowenaffchen) December 17, 2014
Wrote “it’s actually called soda” on my pop quiz, so it appears I will be spending my 2nd decade in the 6th grade
— MattyTalks (@mattytalks) December 24, 2014
a guy who told me he was in a gang in highschool just unlocked west meadow on farmville
— rob whisman (@robwhisman) December 2, 2014
DOCTOR: Do you do any aerobic exercise? ME: Huh? DOCTOR: Like where you sweat [flashback to me sweating while eating KFC] ME: Yes
— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) December 23, 2014
Some retired cops joined our birdwatching group and they sit in parked cars in the forest drinking coffee like “there’s the little scumbag.”
— Ceej (@ceejoyner) November 21, 2014
i dont think any of the wikihow artists have seen a dog in real life pic.twitter.com/iiKCUdlMKX
— leon (@leyawn) December 18, 2014
*doctor looks up* I’m afraid you have forgetting about 80’s bands disease “Oh god what’s The Cure?” *doctor sighs* It’s worse than I thought
— Bucky Mistletope (@BuckyIsotope) December 20, 2014
*Santa comes down the chimney and finds quinoa & shredded coconut cookies and soy milk* Wtf is this pinteresty shit
— patrick (@tastefactory) December 22, 2014
REGIS: who wants to be a millionaire? BILLIONAIRE: not me. that would suck haha
— slick (@fanofhell) October 15, 2014
hey that dumbass in movies who always says “IN ENGLISH PLEASSE!!!” after a scientist talks shouldnt be allowed to help save the world
— dante ` (@respected_loner) December 12, 2014
There is a boon in the Twittersphere—an oasis of jokes, of all different formats and genre—patiently waiting for the weary twitter-traveler. Colloquially, it is known as “weird twitter,” and its addition to your TL can be experience-changing. Buzzfeed has an excellent piece Weird Twitter’s history. Weird Twitter is a unique subculture that’s like a hidden trove in the twitter-jungle. It’s not for everyone. Obviously. Not as niche-y as you might think, but maybe don’t tell your new-to-Twitter mother to follow @dogboner.